Sunday, March 15, 2009

Could Obama Be Just Too Awesome?

It’s unfashionable right now to worry about things. The dark ages of being ruled by a thuggish tyrant are now behind America. By electing Barack Obama (the pinnacle of perfect manhood) our leader, we have entered a new era of enlightenment and declared to the universe that we are no longer feuding beasts. Soon Obama’s extremely targeted and precise stimulus plan will have us overflowing with riches, and his wisdom in all things will bring peace to this world. Then all the troubles we now have will be but fables to scare children with.

Despite all this, though, I still worry. Could Obama have a flaw? Could he be, in fact, too awesome?

Before you grab the pitchforks and label me an apostate, hear me out. Now I am an enlightened individual who fully understands and appreciates President Obama (pbuh), but can we expect the same from other countries with non-Obama leaders? Those people have never produced a person like Obama, not to mention elected him, so it is natural for them to be scared and intimidated by someone so beyond their understanding. To them, meeting Obama must be like encountering Jesus riding a dinosaur — both reassuring and intimidating at the same time. It’s natural they’ll be confused.

Just look at the British reaction to Obama’s meeting with Gordon Brown. They seem to think their prime minister was snubbed by not getting the special reception they had become accustomed to when the troglodyte Bush was dictator. Many British reporters were also angry how Obama seemed hesitant to answer many questions. Such nonsense shows that the British are still stuck in pre-Obama thinking. Of course the unrefined Bush would make a big deal of meeting foreign leaders; to that simpleton, it must have been like being visited by advanced aliens. It would be silly for Obama, though, to act like it is an honor to meet with other countries’ non-Obama leaders, or for him to hold the pretense that speaking with them would give him knowledge he did not already possess. He is Obama; the British should not worry if Obama is listening, because he already understands their needs better than they do. As for the British press, they must learn to be more like the American press, which already knows there is no reason to question Obama. Obama is aware of what we need to know and when we need to know it, so there is no reason for the formality of questions. We simply must sit and wait for his wisdom, but the British have yet to come to that understanding. Also, it wouldn’t hurt if in the future they brought offerings of gold and silver.

Obama’s overwhelming magnificence could also be a problem with Iran. After eight years of the caveman Bush screaming gibberish at Iran and shaking a rock at them threateningly, it is natural that Iran is still quite easily startled. So Obama, much unlike the previous leader who would order military strikes against loud thunderstorms, wanted to be delicate and try a thing called diplomacy. Thus he wrote a letter to Russia to try and help. That was a mistake, for once again the inability of another country to comprehend Obama resulted in trouble.

First off, Russia was quite startled to receive a letter from the American president, as they were used to the leader of America being illiterate and scared of the mail (since he believed it was transported by black magic). Thus it is no wonder the Russians would be suspicious and a bit confused. Not understanding Obama, they thought the letter outlined a quid pro quo where Obama would scrap missile defense in Europe in exchange for help with Iran, not only against actual missiles but also the much deadlier missiles of hate and ignorance. In fact, the letter was expressing how Obama now is our missile defense

Now, of course, Iran will be even more bewildered by what’s going on. They’re a primitive people whose leader believes in a mystical “God” character much like our own leader did in the dark ages of earlier this year. I’m sure Obama eventually will be able to calm them and get them to trust him again — perhaps by building them a missile defense so they’ll feel safer — but the damage is already done.

So this is what we’re up against. We may have entered a new era, but much of the world is still Obamaless and mired in the fear and mistrust of pre-Obama times. It will be up to us to help assure the world that Obama’s hope and change is for them as well. They need to know that if Obama’s actions seem stupid or insulting to them, it’s only because they are not yet able to understand his splendor. We must remember that while Obama’s brilliant radiance may fill us with awe, it could actually hurt the eyes of those unused to such light.

by Frank J. Fleming